Coming Home
by Herascat
Summary: Revised and Reposted Follows Endgame. In an attempt to put things right, things begin to go wrong for Kathryn Janeway.


Disclaimer: I do not own Voyager or any of the characters. This takes place after Endgame. I think that Kathryn is slightly OOC but I got this idea in my head and it just wouldn't leave.

Voyager was allowed to dock at Starfleet Headquarters after Captain Janeway agreed to have the crew quarantined. Tom Paris brought Voyager into the station smoothly, The Captain letting him leave Miral and B'Elanna long enough to impress his father. Janeway sat in her Captain's chair trying to keep her attention on the view screen in front of her when all she could focus on was her other self. Even as the crew started disembarking the Admiral was the only thing Janeway could concentrate on. She had told Kathryn about so much, it wasn't breaking the temporal prime directive if the point was to change the future. Walking off the bridge with Chakotay at her side, she glanced over at his tattooed visage. He hadn't waited; the Admiral had told her that he fell in love with Seven. Hoping that they would have some huge fight and he would realize that he loved _her _not Seven was useless. And the frown that graced her features when she thought about the two of them drew Chakotay's eyes toward her.

"Captain, are you alright?" He laid his hand on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. She shrugged it off. The contact was almost too much to bear when she knew that he wanted to be touching Seven, not her.

"I'm fine." She offered him a small smile and when he quirked a lopsided grin her way, her smile widened against the urgings of her mind to keep it professional. "Really, I'm okay, just happy to finally be back." She turned away from him and into the main room of the docking station.

A list of room assignments was posted just beyond the entrance. Chakotay almost muttered _typical_ under his breath, but knew that Kathryn would hear him. Starfleet was concerned about letting the crew near the general population. As if the Delta Quadrant held some disease that everyone else was going to catch. Instead of dwelling on the bitterness that he still felt for Starfleet, he went to the board. It seemed that everyone but the Captain and himself were bunking in rooms of three and four. Chakotay was slightly disappointed that the list stated it was a room quarantine and he wouldn't be able to spend time with Seven.

Janeway went to the list after most of the crew started dispersing. "Damn." She muttered, seeing that Chakotay and she were supposed to room together. The gods were testing her self control. After all this time controlling her emotions, she was finally home and he had moved on. Her shoulders slumped and she trudged her way to their quarters.

Walking through the hydraulic doors into the standard Starfleet living room was almost depressing. For years their rooms had been individual, full of life, now it was back to generic, grey, Spartan rooms. She heard Chakotay and Seven talking in the room to her left.

"I do not wish to be confined to this room without you." Seven sounded like a petulant child.

Chakotay responded, his smile evident in his voice. "I know. I would rather be able to see you too." Kathryn's frown deepened before pulling her bottom lip between white teeth. When the first drop of blood fell on her tongue Kathryn turned from Chakotay's door, entering her own bedroom. More grey greeted the tears that had started gathering in her eyes. Instead of letting them fall she decided to distract herself by checking the computer for messages.

Admiral Paris was the only one to contact her today. She listened to the voice that she had known for years telling her that the inquisition would begin tomorrow. Turning off the voice when she found out the time that she would be escorted to the debriefing, Kathryn let a harsh laugh bark from her lungs. The grey sheets scraped against her shin as she writhed on the bed, laughing hysterically and undressing simultaneously. Finally coming back to her senses Kathryn stifled the few giggles that continued and took off the last of her clothing. Lying naked on the bed she shivered. The air coming through the filters wasn't exactly the warmest, but Kathryn's mind was numb to the temperature.

All she could think about was the irony that Chakotay and the rest of the Maquis were supposed to be the ones discussed in the morning and yet they were all going to be sleeping in. She glanced at the clock, in about four hours and she was going to be answering Starfleet's questions. Her hands roamed over her stomach as her thoughts drifted to Chakotay. She blocked out any thought of Seven with him and scraped her nails over the sensitive skin of her breasts. She stifled a moan before opening her eyes, snapping back to reality. Slowly standing up from the bed on weak legs she folded down the covers and slid inside the scratchy sheets. She could at least try to sleep before the inquest began in the morning.

Janeway woke up minutes before the computer sounded. She lay in bed staring up at the ceiling for a few moments before gathering the energy to rise. After tossing and turning most of the night, the brief hour of sleep that she got didn't seem refreshing anymore. She went about her normal routine making sure to drink three cups of coffee in lieu of her normal one or two. Silently she went to the living room and sat on the stiff couch, a picture of composure, the perfect Starfleet captain. Even when she wanted to be slumped, the embodiment on a rejected woman When the chimes for the door sounded she quietly called for the escort to enter and shoved all thoughts of Chakotay out of her mind. Standing to face the Ensign she offered the young woman a small smile and was given a salute in return.

"Captain Janeway, if you would follow me please." Janeway inclined her head before following her through the silent halls. When they finally arrived at one of the debriefing rooms Captain Kathryn Janeway entered, leaving the Ensign to stand guard at the door. Janeway schooled her features into a mask of calm sitting in front of a panel of Admirals.

Chakotay woke late in the morning to a silent, empty environment. And when he rang the chimes on the Captain's door, he was surprised she didn't answer. He talked to Seven for several hours before his irritation got the better of him. Where the hell was Kathryn? Was Starfleet so screwed up that they would let their trusted Captain Janeway wander the hall and move from space to space without informing the crew? He fumed. He had someone within the complex that he desperately wanted to see and she had nobody to go to and she was able to get out of the rooms. He sat in the same spot, waiting for her arrival and the chance to give her a piece of his mind.

When the inquiry finally finished it was after nine at night, Kathryn was exhausted and angry, but as she thought back on the meeting she could only feel relief. Admiral Paris had not been the only one that believed the Maquis should be pardoned; it seemed that most of the media was supportive of the whole crew. It was fascinating how Starfleet was willing to do anything for good PR; the civilians of the alpha quadrant would have been outraged if the Admirals hadn't pardoned Chakotay and the others. The final straw had been Kathryn's own words. "My crew is part of Starfleet, all of them. If you decide to prosecute them then you may as well do the same to me. As Captain every action of every crewmember is my responsibility." She had placed her hands on the table as if to have them apply irons to her wrists. "So if you wish to imprison the Maquis crew than put me in shackles as well." Feeling her steps lighten and a smile spread on her face she opened the hydraulic doors.

Chakotay sat ramrod stiff on the couch as she entered. She was about to tell him about the pardons being granted to the Maquis when he interrupted her.

"Where the hell have you been?" His voice was harsh and his eyes were cold.

"What?" the smile had fallen from her face and the sound of the doors closing behind her made her jump forward. "I…"

"You get to be out there gallivanting around while the crew has to be confined to their rooms!" He didn't see the tears starting to form in her eyes. And he certainly didn't realize that this was the most anger that her had ever directed at Kathryn, it was scaring her.

"Chakotay, I…" Her voice broke and she took a deep breath.

Before she could continue he was yelling again, "No! I don't give a damn what you have to say!" Her mouth opened to responded but her voice caught in her throat. When she finally gathered enough composure to speak, the chime sounded. Kathryn was determined to confront Chakotay so she ignored the noise; he seemed to have a different idea as he called for the person to enter.

The same Ensign that had escorted Captain Janeway earlier entered the living room. "Good evening Captain Janeway, it's good to see you again. I wanted to let you know that an announcement has been sent out to all the crewmembers, they have the option of leaving tonight or staying however long they need to." Kathryn nodded and the young woman turned to Chakotay. "Mr. Chakotay if you'd like to retrieve your belongings you can transport to your sister's house tonight or we can set you up in a more comfortable Starfleet room."

Chakotay's eyes widened as he turned back to Janeway, taking in her appearance for the first time since she had walked in the door. "I was going to tell you, but you didn't give me a chance." The tears welled in her eyes and she was forced to avert them from his gaze but she kept her voice hard. He would never know how much he had hurt her in that moment. "Go find Seven, Chakotay and take her home. I have more briefings tomorrow." Turning away from both of the figures adding color to the grey room she let the tears begin to fall and entered her bedroom. She was able to engage the security setting before completely breaking down. The tears continued and even increased as she heard Chakotay gather the few possessions he had brought into the temporary quarters. When silence finally fell on the room the tears started to subside. And the more she thought the more she was able to harden her broken heart. If he didn't want her then so be it. She came to a decision in that moment, after all of the briefings were over she would go to Indiana and take a break. That's all she needed. After all the time denying her feelings, what was the rest of her life?

Chakotay didn't bother trying to apologize to Kathryn before he left. He thought it would just be futile to try to placate her and despite the clenching in his gut, he left with the young Ensign without as much as a goodbye to her. He picked up Seven from her rooms shortly after leaving the Captain alone, sending their belongings to his sister's house. They walked hand in hand toward the transporter room.

As the weeks passed, Chakotay's conscience caught up with him. The more he thought about his last moments with the Captain the more he regretted not apologizing to her. Every time he tried to bring up his guilt to Seven, but she always seemed unconcerned with the issue. Always repeating the same thing, "The Captain will be fine. She is a strong woman I know her almost as well as you do Chakotay. If there's one thing I know it's that she can get through anything. And besides, whatever you did it can't have been that bad, you aren't capable of being cruel." Once, when she tried to kiss him after saying this and he turned his face away from her, she finally snapped. "If you're so worried about the Captain then go to see her. This entire situation is irrational. We both know the Captain and I know you as well. Please Chakotay just let whatever this is go." When he only stared at her she felt her reserve snap. "But I will not put up with this anymore Know if you do leave I will be forced to leave as well, but know that I will not be coming with you."

Chakotay's eyes widened in shock. "You can't ask that of me." He watched as her expression shift to one of disappointment.

"If you truly cared for me you would know that I am right. If we can't trust each other then I don't see us continuing this relationship." With those words she turned from him, and knew as she started walking that she wouldn't feel his hand reach out to her ever again.

Home. She was finally back home where she belonged, in Indiana. True it wasn't the way she had always planned her return, she didn't have Mark, she didn't have Chakotay, and she didn't even have her own house anymore. But it might be better to have someone close to her, so she was in the house that she had grown in with the mother that she hadn't seen in years. Gretchen Janeway was a godsend on those days when all Kathryn could think of was Chakotay and the only thing she could do was lay in bed listening to love songs and crying. Her mother catered to her on those days and on the others they mostly just spent time together. As the first month home passed into the second Kathryn found herself more able to function on the days without Chakotay, but Gretchen still spoke with caution.

It was on one of Kathryn's good days that the doorbell interrupted their midday meal. Kathryn put her sandwich on the plate and stood, motioning for her mother to remain seated. She brushed the crumbs from the bread off on her dark brown skirt and then ran her fingers through her hair. When the door swung open she was greeted with a tunic encased chest. And when her eyes moved upward she had to school her features into an impassive mask. Chakotay stood before her in a dark blue tunic and grey pants that made her mouth water, but she couldn't think about that after everything that had happened in the last few weeks. Instead she spoke, "Commander, what are you doing here?"

Chakotay's hackles rose when he heard the icy venom in her voice. He matched her tone with his deeper and much more annoyed voice. "Well _Captain_, I wanted to apologize for the way we parted company at Starfleet Headquarters." When she just glared at him, he continued. "I also wanted to inform you that I will be staying in the area for a little while. And that I would like for us to spend some time together."

Kathryn shook her head in the negative almost giddy with the prospect but knowing that her wounds were still much too fresh, "I don't think that I can do that Chakotay. I don't know that I can forgive you either." She paused to strengthen her composure but she felt her mask cracking as buried emotions rose to the surface. "You should have asked me, I didn't even get a chance to explain what was going on before you attacked me. I have never been so scared of you in my life." Her voice was becoming louder the longer she ranted. It drew Gretchen into the entryway and Kathryn's mother stopped her tirade.

"Katie, I think that I'm going to go for a walk while you two figure this out. " When she leaned in to hug her daughter she whispered. "You have been miserable without him, at least hear him out." She kissed her cheek and left through the still open door, closing it behind her.

Turning back to Chakotay, she motioned for him to come further into the house. If she truly thought about it she really did want to hear him out if only to have the closure. "I will give you ten minutes for the sake of closure." She turned and started walking to lead him into the living room.

Chakotay felt his ire rise once more; this woman could make him so much angrier than any Starfleet mandate ever had. His lips curled back in a snarl and he grabbed her shoulder to spin Kathryn to face him. "Closure! You want closure! Well guess what Kathryn, I don't want this to be over yet. I said I was sorry and I can't take back what I did, but I have given up everything to make amends with you. I even left Seven for you. Damn woman, I have loved you for a very long time now and I'm not ready for this to be over." Quiet descended over the room.

Kathryn stood in shock for a moment, but soon enough she was back on the offensive. "And what about everything that's happened! You can't expect to come here and have me forgive you instantly. I won't…" The bitterness of her words was smothered when Chakotay covered her lips with his. Kathryn stood stock still before trying to fight him off of her, Chakotay wouldn't let her go.

He crushed her lips with the bruising force of his anger, pulling her body flush against his. When her body finally relaxed against him Chakotay lightened the kiss, running his tongue along the seam of her lips to gain entrance. She refused. Chakotay's patience was nonexistent, instead of remaining gentle, he tugged her lip between his teeth and bit down hard enough to draw a moan from her throat. He used this to his advantage and tangled their tongues together.

Kathryn thought for a moment about biting his intruding appendage, but when he shifted the angle of his mouth and deepened the kiss she couldn't gather the will. Her arms rose from her sides to cup his neck and tangle in his short, dark hair. She nipped at his lip. He pulled back from the kiss. Both of them were panting in need of precious oxygen, and Kathryn's lips were swollen and red. In the moment that she had to think on the situation, tears began streaming down her face. "I hate that you can do this to me. Why couldn't you just let me hold onto my anger, everything would have been fine if you had just left me alone."

Her hands were still wrapped in his neck, so he brushed his thumbs across her cheeks to remove the wetness. "Kathryn I love you. I could never just let you go. I'm sorry that I couldn't just let things stay simple, but I can't live without you." The tears had stopped flowing so he placed a chaste kiss on her damp lips. "I'm sorry I'm such a bastard." He chuckled slightly.

She offered him a small smile, "You are, aren't you."

His fingers ran over her cheeks and back into her hair. Grasping the strands of auburn, he pulled her face forward. "Un-huh, let me make it up to you." He pulled her forward into another kiss this time she immediately opened her mouth to him, pulling his tongue out to play.

She stayed locked in this embrace before trailing her lips over his neck, nibbling on the juncture of his neck and shoulder. "Chakotay, I think we need to go upstairs before this…" Suddenly he was at her neck, his teeth and tongue trailed a path of heat from under her ear down the deep v of her emerald green shirt to the valley between her breasts. "My mom…" She managed to gasp out before he yanked the green fabric away from her body. She moaned when his lips closed over the lace covering her dusky nipple.

He nibbled on the protruding flesh, gasping when Kathryn's short nails dug into his scalp. He watched her body arch as he blew on the damp fabric of her bra then traced his lips back up to her mouth kissing her fiercely. He felt her nails move from his hair down the column of his neck.

Tracing the collar of his shirt Kathryn could feel his flesh twitching under her fingers and she smiled into the kiss. When she reached the dip of the front of his shirt she gripped both ends and yanked. The blue fabric fell from his shoulders and he stared at her in shock. "What? I've been waiting far too long to be patient." Her husky voice sounded out of breath. She lunged at him pulling him in for another kiss.

When they finally pulled apart Chakotay kept his hands on Kathryn's shoulders, to keep her at an arms length. "I think that we better go upstairs now." He looked into her dilated pupils; her normally blue eyes were almost black with desire. She didn't seem to comprehend his words as her eyes focused on his lips. He shook her lightly and her eyes slowly moved to meet his dark orbs.

Moving from his embrace she caught his falling hand and led him in the direction of the stairs. She could feel Chakotay's eyes on her body heating every inch of her skin, the flush rose in her chest and cheeks. At the top of the stairs she turned to him, bringing his gaze up to her eyes. "If you don't stop staring at me we're never going to make it to the bedroom."

In response, he growled and pressed her against the wall with his body flush against hers. "Well if I didn't want you so much right now, that would be so much easier." Burying his face in the crook of her neck he breathed in the heady scent of Kathryn Janeway. He shifted his head slightly so that he could nibble on her ear before moving down the heated flesh of her neck. One of her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling her flush against her body. She rubbed herself against his hardness drawing a moan from his lips and a strangled gasp from hers.

Chakotay continued to grind himself against her, distracting from the actions of unclasping her bra. It slid off of her body to the floor and he moved to place his mouth over her breast again. This time her nail dug into his shoulders, leaving crescent shaped marks in his skin. He lavished attention on both nipples before moving down her body. He went on his knees before her and trailed his lips down her stomach to the waistband of her skirt. His hands skipped over her hips and down the outside of her legs before ascending the inside of her legs, bunching her skirt around her waist.

The sensation of his fingers softly gliding over the inside of her thighs brought gooseflesh to Kathryn's entire body. When his fingers hooked under the elastic of her thong she parted her thighs enough to ease the removal of the damp scrap of fabric. As soon as the underwear was abandoned on the floor Chakotay's mouth was on her. She let out a quiet scream as his tongue ran over her clit. Kathryn held on for dear life as his tongue and teeth pushed her over the edge.

Chakotay marveled at her receptiveness. He had barely started and she had already peaked once. He gave her quivering flesh one last lick before standing and claiming her lips. The skirt fell back into place as Kathryn started backing them toward the door that led to her bedroom. Their bodies stayed locked together, even when Chakotay fumbled for the doorknob and Kathryn kicked the door shut behind them and they fell to the bed in a tangled heap. He slid the skirt off of her legs so the only fabric separating them was the muslin of his pants.

Kathryn remedied that problem quickly. She flipped them over and pulled Chakotay's pants away from his body, delighted to find no barriers between them. She felt his arms tugging her up to him once more, but she paused to nibble on his earlobe. Rubbing her slick folds along his length brought a moan from Chakotay and she longed to see if he would loose complete control. Pulling herself upright, she slowly lowered herself onto his length. The sensation of being filled was foreign to her and for a moment it was slightly uncomfortable, but Chakotay was patient. When she finally began moving his hands fisted in her sheets and his eyes slipped shut.

Her pace was slow and Chakotay was getting frustrated. There would be time enough for slow later, right now they needed to find completion. He pulled her down for a sloppy kiss before flipping them both over. Kathryn screamed in pleasure as he drove deeper into her and he sped up his thrusts when her heels pressed into his back to urge him on. The ferocity of their lovemaking seemed to shake the world as Chakotay shifted his position once more to increase their pleasure. In the moment that he thought he was going to loose control, Kathryn cried out and her walls began to milk him. He groaned, feeling the sweet release of planting his seed. He rolled to the side of Kathryn, letting her pull the covers over them and drape her body over his. They lay there basking in the post coital bliss as their breathing returned to normal. His fingers ran through her hair, "I guess this means we're going to really try this now."

"Yes it most certainly does. Besides how could I explain the clothes littered around the house to my mother if we weren't going to be together. But this doesn't mean that we're done talking. I love you Chakotay, I just don't ever want you to scare me like that ever again." She sighed, the breath stirring the sparse hair on his chest.

Chuckling, he wrapped his arms around her. "I promise. And I love you too, by the way. But can the rest of this talk wait until morning?" He placed a kiss to her nodding forehead before they both slipped into slumber.


End file.
